Caught in between tides of fate

Nah. I don't really understand it myself either, even though I'm caught in the middle of it and can feel it all.

When it comes to times like this where I can't even find words to describe how it is, probably that's why I am back in here putting up what I felt as an ugly scribble.

Well, guess there's really nothing much that I can materialize into words. Back to more stuff to deal with.

New year, old dust

Well yeah, at this rate this blog is going to end up like Mr. Paws up there. But not like I'm going to let this place die out. I'm just... out of words, at times.

I have tons of excuses for my laziness, but I can't blame my laziness entirely. You see, I am very *motivated* to rant in here whenever poop hits the fan. But the poop was too big for me to deal with, along with my PC going down and along with some very grave news.

And also today's post is somewhat an exception. I'm not posting because I had something to rant about. Take it like something of a reflection for myself.

2009 was not the best year for me. Things happened, had a lot of times where I really screwed up, and this time the poop is so big that I couldn't bear to do anything to let my frustration out, not even a word that I could type to express my feelings.

I don't know anymore. Now deep inside me I really wished that I could meet my other half who can truly share my feelings. But I don't know who I can confess to, because I can't exactly say I had it hard when I hadn't been doing much either.

Meh. Screw it. I don't see much hope in this new year of a 2010 anyway, since it's another year into my life, another year's worth of void. Probably another year of lowering my head and moving ahead in the stormy night.

Blood Spills Again

Been a while since I posted in here. Just scribbled something out of random.

Hmm, some say that one's sense of art can also be the reflection of his heart. But right now, what I MSPainted up there is something that I can't understand myself. I mean, I don't really understand what I'm thinking at that moment I was drawing that. Perhaps I might see something if I write here a little longer into the night.

Hmm. Loads have happened since I last posted. Good things, bad things, stupid things, happy things. Probably for all those to happen, somehow in the way I got lost again. And probably I'm just too oblivious to see what's coming in front, yet I'm anxious about it too. I had this sense that it will not bode well for me, thus probably why I made the picture.

That, or I really don't know. Things are going around me fast, and I had been trying my best to look forward on what to do, and how to get off this hellish pit I'm stuck in. Probably I'm afraid of what I don't know what I fear.

Ah well, it makes less and less sense as I write on. Maybe I should go to sleep and forgot that this moment never happened. Serves no purpose for me to worry about something that I could not see.

Da-Pian

One of the many ways in Mandarin to refer to human excrements. Also can be called 'fen pian' in a more polite way, or 'si' (which has the same pronunciation as 'death' in Mandarin).

Life's like that, mine not excluding. But maybe mine doesn't stink as much as some others do, but in a way it is crappy to me. Maybe I'm just too cynical towards the rest of the world around me, or maybe I'm just too bored. Or maybe both.

My social life is like that (I enjoyed my time with my close buddies, but I have problems dealing with strangers).

My health is like that (couple of years of abusing my health really show).

My classes are like that (perhaps just me, but it seems that my juniors are not getting any better).

My apartment unit is like that (apart from those 2 monkeys from Africa who made loads of noise EVERY FREAKING TIME, there's the lift which kept breaking down, water leaking and stuck toilet...).

My internet connection is like that (half the reason why I'm kinda lazy to update the blog nowadays).

My mood is like that (and this, honestly, I don't know exactly why, or perhaps too many reasons why).

Crap.

Good thing I still have a few things to keep my sanity in check. Like my DS, my phone and my PC. If not for those, I'd be doing something really mean.

Ah hell.

As I write this, I'm attempting to charge up the battery on the made-in-China LED torchlight my father just bought for me. Though I don't really need the use of such a torch, but he insisted I bring it over to the apartment 'for emergency purposes'.

And the design is, as my post here best describe, crap. It was so poorly designed that it couldn't be mounted in a stable position while recharging from a socket. It kept falling off the convert-from-China-powerplug-to-universal-powerplug thing.

And just a moment ago I thought I might've just caused something in the torch to burn in the process, because I didn't notice the torch's switch was triggered to 'ON' when I placed the battery to charge.

Adding that and the loose mounting, and suddenly 'SNAP', the lights just went on and off. Thought I smell something stinging too. And now I think the torch is dead. Can't get the lights to work even if I switch on.

Opened up inside to investigate. Can't see anything that's wrong, nor anything black from burning. In fact, the design of the whole thing was so simple that I begin to doubt whether it's worth the money spent on it. A bulk rechargable battery connecting to a simple switch connecting to a circuit board with 3 LEDs and 3 resistors. Looks too simple that I begin to doubt the safety in the design.

Still not working. There goes RM 15.90. What a piece of crap. Well, better that thing dead than ME being dead. I don't want my father to blame himself for buying me that crap hazard he thought he got as a good bargain.

Copycat

I'm not really the type of person to be a high-scorer or so when it comes to papers, but I still could manage most of the questions that were thrown to me (provided that I, of course, have ample preparations beforehand).

And I strongly believe that whenever it comes to doing things, it's either you do it with all your effort, or you totally do not do it at all. Plagiarism hardly is an option to me, and as a matter of fact, I really do hate it when someone else that does not put any effort into himself copying my efforts.

Meet this certain guy U. Encountered him in the subject I'm taking this semester, and while I had the oppurtunity to point him his mistakes in the tutorial sessions, but it appears that this U person seems to have misunderstood my gesture as a sign that I am willing to help him pass the subject, by any means.

Well, I noticed his odd behaviour when the time came for the big quiz. I was sitting right at the back of the class that day, and said guy was sitting directly in front of me. And it was when I finished my paper that I caught him turning his back trying to fish the answers off my page.

Oh no you don't, as I thought while I quickly withdrew my already-completed paper from the table and submit it up to the lecturer.

But at that moment, I knew exactly that this will not be the last time that he will try to steal from me. The following week I just pretend that I did not notice his peekings and continued on helping him in the tutorials. Not in the mood to be giving him a big payback for his wrongdoings, but rather I would prefer to spectate him crumble by himself with his pathetic measures.

I managed to score 5/5 on that paper (despite I nearly got my answer wrong due to poor handwriting). And I managed to spy on that U's marks, and he only got 3/5. Oops. Adding to the irony, his friend in the same class also scored full.

Then the mid-term paper for the subject came this week. This time the venue had changed to a different lecture hall, and this time I secured a sitting place in the most front row (as the culture around here goes, the front row seats are extremely unpopular among the students because you will get the lecturer's flak firsthand most of the time). Yeah, the whole row was empty, until...

Not surprisingly, Mr. U and his friend. Gee, I wonder why?

Now that our sitting positions were somewhat more distant compared to during the quiz, and with me putting up extra measures while answering my paper, he couldn't even get a chance to sneak on my paper at all.

The fun part was that, the moment he caught his first chance to turn his head to spy on my answers, it was the exact moment that I had finished answering my paper, and I just turned my paper 180 degrees, with the top facing me and the bottom facing the front. And within the minute, the lecturer had already started to collect the papers of those who had already finished, and I handed mine up immediately. Awwww.

Sorry to say to this Mr. U, but just because I am generous to help at a chance given, doesn't mean I should risk my neck and let him go the easy way. Things in life are earned via hardships, and he will have a very long way to go.

THIS IS MY-UNIT !!!

Well, about time to do that now. When tenants start to show signs of disrespect against the owner of the premise, it'd be the best cue to tell them to GTFO.

If things go on smoothly, those creeps should be gone around June this year. Let's hope for the best to come.

And oh, probably need to motivate myself a little more to paint more crap out...

'Traffic' Jam

3 times in a week. At this rate, I'd grow a beard and bump bricks with my head to get coins and weed.

Can't exactly point who it is, but there had been hints that it could be my foreign housemate(s) staying downstairs. What was done to the toilet to make it jam was beyond our imagination.

To add some extra flavour of horror, one of the times I found ash-green-coloured stools floating on top of the clogged water.



Yeap. This colour.

Seriously, what do they eat for a living to have this sort of alien stool ???

Ah well, they're gonna leave early next month, so hopefully along with plans to get someone to service the bown, the cloggings will stop.